I Hate Sour Gummi Bears Anyway

I Hate Sour Gummi Bears Anyway

I found out yesterday that my Grandma Marge passed away. We weren't really close and I've hardly seen her in the last few years. The thing is, after losing my Mom and my Grandpa last fall, it's starting to feel kindof lonely. Some of the things I used to resent (getting a bag of two small underpants as a Christmas present when I was 13) seem downright rosey now, special. And it makes me sad that I couldn't appreciate these things before the family tree started thinning.

It's a terribly awkward feeling to remember what I brat I was staying at her cabin, without AC, being hot and itchy all night. The birthday checks and bonds, things that are going to help me buy a home in the very near future, they're a blessing now. I feel guilty, and thankful, and annoyed that I have to deal with death again. And that annoyance makes me feel guilty and I start all over.

I could say something trite about life being like sour gummi bears, or how impermanence makes you appreciate the miracle of being, or any of that overplayed garbage. Even if it's true I'm not feeling it now. The way my mother died, with kindness, humor, dignity, and grace, taught me more about living than all my years in school. I talk to her everyday. I talk to Grandpa too, but it's been so long since I've talked to Marge. I don't even know what to say.

Tags:

• DaLife
• Rant